Ignorance is Bliss
by alexandrarosepiper
Summary: It's been three and a half years since Cristina Yang has left for Zurich and never looked back. What happens when old and new wounds are opened when Cristina visits the US for the Harper Avery Award Ceremony? Everything will be revealed and some secrets are more catastrophic than expected. They say what you know can't hurt you… Yep, ignorance is bliss.
1. She Went Quietly

**Hello! This is my new fanfic and I really REALLY enjoyed writing this so I hope you enjoy reading it! There is a little bit of German in this story ****and it is not translated because the conversation isn't important. However, if any one of you reading this are German or speak German really well please let me know if its right because I just used Google Translate. Please leave a review, follow, or favorite my story! Enjoy!**

Cristina Yang awoke approximately at seven twenty two am Zurich, Switzerland time to the joyful and melodic giggles of one of her three year old daughters. She felt her hair being tugged hard with two small and soft tiny hands with even smaller fingers wrapped around her messy mane.

"I'm trying to sleep," she grumbled as she pushed her head even farther down into her gigantic silk pillow as a lame attempt to get her daughter to stop. It was her day off and she was really looking forward to sleeping in past seven o'clock. Unfortunately, Cristina forgot about the fact that both her daughters were always up by seven forty five.

"Mommy! Wake up!" Her daughter yelled as she pulled on to her mother's hair with even more force. "It's morning, Mom!" Even as a child, Cristina slept in whatever chance she got. In elementary school, her mother used to vacuum the hall outside Cristina's bedroom in order to wake her up for three years. By the time she was in fifth grade though, she actually cared enough about school to set an alarm and force her-self to get up. Her daughters definitely didn't get the morning bird gene from her.

"Alright, alright. I'm getting up right now," she gave in defeated as she slowly began to sit up. She wished Alex were here, but unfortunately he was at a conference. Normally whenever Cristina had a day off and Alex didn't, he'd take them to the hospital daycare with him so she could sleep in and she would do the same for him. Then she would pick the girls up later and spend the rest of the day with them.

"Why are you so lazy, Mom?" Her three-year-old daughter, Alexandra, pouted pursing her lips out to make a duck face.

It was sometimes unbelievable to Cristina that her daughters looked so much like her. They were miniature clones of her. The way their hair curled into messy knots overnight even if they didn't move in an inch in their sleep, the way their cheeks flushed only in pure exhaustion, everything about them was so similar to her. The only big difference between them was their eyes. Alexandra and her sister both inherited their fathers round and mystical eyes that had the ability to suck you in. They were brown like Cristina's but they somehow managed to get a light hazel brown instead of a pure and rich dark chocolate brown like her-self.

"I am not lazy. I simply enjoy sleep like you and your sister should," she corrected her daughter who still had on her best duck face along with the added addition of her hands crossed around her small body.

Alexandra rolled her eyes as she quoted one of her mothers mantras whenever she was on-call, "Sleep is for the weak." Yep, her daughter was a real character.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that, Al?" She smiled lovingly as she used her nickname for her youngest daughter. It was confusing with two Alex's in the house. When Alexandra was first born, she originally decided to call her Alexandra as to not get the two confused. Though after a week Cristina was driven crazy calling her that. Thus, the nickname Al was born.

"I'm your favorite piece of work!" Al giggled as she ran over to the other side of the bed to wrap her short arms around her mother. Cristina happily hugged her daughter tightly.

"You _and_ your sister both are. After all, I did make you both from scratch," she whispered into her daughter's ear as she continued to hug Al.

It was hard to believe that there was ever a life without her two daughters. It seemed so impossible for her to have been perfectly happy back then. Sure, she was an amazing surgeon and she did have some friends, a good job, a stable home, and enough money to make her perfectly happy in life. She was perfectly happy in life for quite a while. And then her daughters were born and everything changed for the better. She was an even better surgeon even with a little less time on her hands. She had won a Harper Avery last year for her work on her clinical trial and was nominated for another one this year. On top of that she was a good mother to her children and they were happy, healthy, and loved.

"Meredith's still not up," Alexandra spoke pulling Cristina back to the present. Cristina glanced at the clock; it was seven thirty six.

"Come on, lets go," she grinned as she picked up her daughter and started treading slowly down the oh so familiar path to Alexandra and Meredith's bedroom. The girls shared a room, as they were still young and afraid of the dark and what not. It was easier that way; most of the time. Sometimes it could be a real burden. Once in a great while they would keep the other up until late into the night talking about silly stories they heard, mostly from Alex Karev.

Cristina opened the door to their bedroom to find a tornado, and in the middle Meredith sat sprawled out lying nonchalantly with every toy imaginable. Meredith was the calm and dainty one. She didn't fuss a whole lot and was the easier of the two twins as infants. Now though, give her a bucket of toys, and you'll find that in a matter of seconds she will make a huge mess. Sometimes so huge you'll never find all the toys even though you searched every nook and cranny within a twenty-foot radius of the scene of the mess.

Alexandra, on the other hand, wasn't big into toys. She was feisty and always had an opinion on anything and everything whether or not she knew what you were talking about. She was a lot like her mother in that way. She'd rather color nicely on the kitchen table or listen to a book being read to her than go and play with toys. The two girls balanced and complimented each other nicely and were generally pretty good when they were together.

"Oh my, Meredith," she muttered to herself as she sat Alexandra down so Cristina could sit next to her daughter among the tornado. "I don't know why you do this when you know you have to clean this up."

"Its fun!" The toddler squealed happily as she smiled brightly. Cristina didn't understand how her daughter thought that to be fun, she didn't ever think she would. Alex and Derek seemed to understand it to a certain extent. They tried explaining it to her at the twin's third birthday party two months ago but Cristina tuned out after a matter of seconds. She was much more interested in stuffing her face with the vanilla birthday cake.

"Yeah okay, clean this up though," she began before her cellphone began blaring loudly from the kitchen down the hall.

Cristina sat up and walked quickly to where her phone was charging. She was surprised to find that it was not the hospital but Meredith [Grey] calling. She was confused as it must have been pretty late at night for her to call. Still, Cristina ignored the call and put her phone back down before heading back to her daughters' bedroom.

It wasn't anything personal between the two. She never answered her phone around her daughters unless it was the hospital. The only exceptions were Alex Karev and Derek Shepherd. Other people, including Meredith probably, wouldn't understand what she was doing and why she was hiding it from everyone in Seattle she possibly could.

Cristina did feel bad though that she was hiding one of the best parts of her life to the people who were her dearest friends. She was going to tell them all eventually, she made a promise to do that by the time they were five. She remembered very clearly how she, Alex, and Derek agreed and drank to that promise.

_2 months ago…_

_ "Are they asleep yet?" Derek asked from his slouched up position on the couch with an open bottle of beer in hand. Alex sat to the left of him with his own open bottle of beer in hand sipping contentedly on it still wearing a rainbow 'Happy Birthday!" hat on top of his head. _

_ Cristina nodded a yes before she took off her own hat and threw it on the floor as she grabbed her own bottle of beer and began drinking. It had been a long day filled with a lot of excitement and sugar, so naturally, it took Al and Meredith forever to get to sleep. She had to read the book 'Frozen,' four times before either of them were remotely tired._

_ "I don't know how you do it with the both of them by yourself. Meredith and I already have a hard enough time with two kids that are older than yours and there are two of us. And yet you still manage to be an amazing mom and win a Harper Avery." Derek smiled as he took a long swig of his beer._

_ "Dude. I. Am. Right. Here!" Alex shouted angrily at Derek as he elbowed him in the gut. Cristina laughed a little as she sat next to Alex and leaned her head on his shoulder._

_ "You know what I mean. She's basically a single mom and you know it despite all the help that you give her." Derek argued back tiredly._

_ "Well, I am basically their dad," Alex pointed out. "I was there when they were born and way before that too. I watched them do all their firsts.; First steps, first words, first everything. I watch them when Cristina can't gladly and even buy them stupid little toys at the grocery store because I know they'll like them. Hell, they used to call me Daddy before they could even say my name"_

_ "I know, Alex," Cristina sighed as she rubbed his tense shoulder. Everything Alex said was true. Alex was the one who rubbed and massaged her swollen fat feet when she was pregnant. He was the one who ran out at two o'clock in the morning to get whatever food she was craving at that moment, whether it was ice cream or a whole large cheese pizza. He was the one who told her to keep pushing in the delivery room when all she wanted to do was give up. He was the one who got excited with her whenever Al or Meredith did something cute. He had always been there for her and she was always going to be there for him, no matter what. _

_ "The point is," Derek groaned, "That the girls need their father. And by father I mean their biological father, not Alex as the cool uncle. No offense, Alex."_

_ "Here we go again…": she murmured. Derek brought up the topic at any chance he got, especially when he was in Zurich. In total, Derek has been to Switzerland six times. Four of them were for the twins birthdays, including the day they were born. That was four. The other two were random surprise visits._

_ "Ich wünschte wirklich, Sie könnten Ihre eigenen Buisness einmal dagegen. Es wäre eine nette Abwechslung sein," Cristina whined to herself. German was the official language of Switzerland, thus, she had to become fluent in German. She was almost perfectly fluent in it. Alexandra and Meredith were fluent in both English and German though they all used English more as it was easier for them. Alex was also fluent. _

_ "Vielleicht ... dann wieder Ihr Leben wäre nicht das gleiche sein. Und das ist alles wegen mir," Derek grinned. Alex chuckled lightly and winked at Derek._

_ "Since when did you learn how to speak German?" In the three years that Derek has come to Zurich, not once did she ever hear him utter a word of German. The last time he was here, she and Alex were in a surgery so they couldn't pick up Derek from the airport. They told him they would have one of her assistants to pick him up but he insisted on taking a taxi. He ended up walking seven miles to the hospital since the taxi driver didn't understand a word he was saying and because he was too stubborn to ask for help._

_ "Your daughters taught me," he laughed to himself. That made some sense in Cristina's mind. She noticed that he was spending more time than usual with them but thought nothing of it. _

_ "How? They are three years old. Sure, they're smarter than most three years old but still," Alex disagreed._

_ "Combined they're six."_

_ "Ooh that's so impressive Derek. Admit it, you used Rosseta Stone," Cristina accused him in the most mocking tone she could muster."_

_ "Can we get back to the point now?" Alex yawned grumpily from his small and tight spot between the two of them._

_ "They don't need a father. I didn't have a real father for most of my life. Look at Alex, Meredith, hell, even you." She began. Sure, she missed her father. But Al and Meredith were growing up without a father so the tables were turned. After all, you can't miss something you never had, right?_

_ "Yeah, look at how well we turned out," he replied as the trio took an impossibly long swig until each of their beers was drained and Derek had to grab three more._

_ "You know my situations different," she retorted grumpily. _

_ "Maybe, but he has the right to know," Alex closed his eyes and snuggled deeper into the couch. "The longer you wait, the harder it will be to tell him and then its more likely you wont. Just rip the stupid bandage and get it over with it."_

_ "Fine," Cristina gave in her somewhat drunken stupor. She hoped desperately inside that they were both too intoxicated to remember this conversation in the morning. _

_ "Hold on," Derek interrupted as he grabbed their three beers from the coffee table. "We are going to drink on it because that's the only thing I can ever hold you too. This toast means that you will tell him by the time the twins are five. That's two years. You think you can handle that?"_

_ "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever," she shook her head as the three knocked their glasses together and took a good swig._

_ It seemed as if the whole world were silent for a few moments after. The only sound you could hear were all their breaths being inhaled and exhaled. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. And then again some more before Cristina let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding on to._


	2. In My Veins

**Hey guys! Since I was really bored I figured why not write another chapter of fanfic, right? I know people wanna why Alex is here, what he is for, if they're together, why does Derek know, why does Owen not know, etc. You're just gonna have to be ****patient. I am going to try to have flashbacks in most chapters for added clarity. Please leave a review, follow, and or favorite my story! Also follow my instagram lifeisinshadesofgrey. Thanks and please enjoy!**

The terrible sounds of rain and thunder and lightning illuminated Cristina's dark and spacious living room. She always hated thunderstorms. She hated them with a passion. The crackle of thunder and lighting mixed with a dark and eerie sky wasn't something that made her feel happy. In fact, she was terrified of them due to the fact that the day her father and her were in the car crash that ended his life, it was in the middle of a thunderstorm. She pushed that thought out of her head as fast as it came. She didn't like thinking about her father as that usually meant she was going to have an emotional outburst.

She had just gotten Al and Meredith to sleep after a long day with the two of them. Their day consisted of watching the movie 'Frozen' for what was probably the billionth time and taking them out to eat for dinner at the local Italian restaurant around the corner called Romeo's. Cristina still didn't know how to cook without burning something or it tasting horrible. Luckily, god invented take-out menus and microwave meals.

As Cristina sat down on the couch with her large glass of white wine, the door unlocked to reveal a wet and shivering Alex Karev. "Hey there now," she said smiling brightly. She was ecstatic to see him. Cristina grew so accustomed to having him here it felt strange and lonely without him. "You better have brought me some damn good alcohol."

"Of course," he grinned as he shrugged out of his sleek leather coat leaving water droplets all over the dark cherry hardwood floors. He reached into the main pocket of his carry on bag to reveal a vintage Italian wine. "Only the finest for you."

"Thank you," she replied as she took the bottle of wine from him to put in the kitchen. She then strode back over to where he stood to wrap her arms around one of her best friends. She didn't care that he was soaking wet and smelled like he came from a distillery. She just knew that she was glad he was back. "I missed you," she whispered softly as she released herself from their hug.

"I missed you too but there's no need to get all emotional. I was only gone for three days you know," he pointed out as he lazily dragged his feet to the couch where he sat down. Cristina followed and sat to the right of him.

"It felt like a lot longer," she argued tiredly as she continued to sip on her wine. She wasn't particularly fond of being stuck at home for three days with little to no adult contact.

"Marcie called, she can't watch them. Apparently she is going on a vacation to France that whole week." Marcie was Cristina's go to nanny of choice whenever she left the country. In two weeks, she was due in Boston for the Harper Avery Awards. She wasn't going to take the twins with her due to the fact that she had no idea who was going to show up besides Alex and Derek.

"Please, please tell me you're joking," Cristina begged desperately. This was almost too much for her to handle.

"Wish I was but I'm not," he sighed tiredly. "She gave me a number of one of her friends. I think her name was Kaya or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying that much attention."

"I'm not leaving my kids with some idiot teenager named Kaya while I'm halfway around the world. Maybe if I was a couple hours away," she grumbled softly.

"You know, if you just told everyone then we wouldn't have this problem. It'd be a whole lot easier for me to not carry that weight on my shoulders. Maybe I can move them again," Alex said coolly as he feigned extremely tense shoulders. "After all, you did promise you would tell you know who by the time they were five."

"Since when was I planning on telling Lord Voldemort?" She asked. Sure, Cristina may have never read the 'Harry Potter' books or watched any of the movies but she did know who Voldemort was. She also did have a sense of humor despite Alex's teasing.

"You know what I mean," Alex coughed as he choked on a pretzel from the small bag of Chex Mix that was stuffed into his sweatshirt pocket. He was swallowing the contents of the bag at a remarkable speed.

Cristina did know what he meant, despite how much she wishes she didn't. Life would be so much easier if she wasn't hiding so much from everyone. But she wasn't hiding everything just for her. Most of it was for her and the sake of her daughters, but not all of it. She was hiding stuff for Alex, hiding stuff for Derek, everyone she knew in Seattle would be affected. To be honest, that's what scared her most of all.

"You know, if you're so worried about it, I can just stay here while you go. You can make up some lie about how I had a critical patient to take care of," Alex offered generously.

"No," she argued. "I need you there." She was touched, truly, that Alex would offer to do something like that for her. The old her would have been sick to her stomach that she relied so deeply on someone, especially a guy. It wasn't like she couldn't live without him, she just didn't want to. She was really going to need him to be in Boston with her. "What would I do without you?"

_4 years ago…_

_ "Hey Yang! What's up? "Alex smiled as he casually walked into Cristina's penthouse at two am in the morning. He lazily threw his bag and coat on the floor. He at least had the decency to take off his shoes before taking a seat on the couch._

_ "Alex!" She shouted in a confused tone. "What the hell are you doing here?" To say that she was surprised to see Alex in Switzerland was the least. She was shocked, mad, happy, excited, angry, and sad all at once. She blamed estrogen for that._

_ "Nice pajamas," he grinned staring at Cristina's ratty black tank top that showed off her breasts and the extremely short red lace panties that she wore. She wasn't exactly planning for someone to see her in only her underwear._

_ "Stop avoiding the question. Alex, what are you doing here?" She asked in a calmer tone._

_ "Some doctors in Geneva invited me here for a pediatric conference. Meredith suggested that I crash with you. After all, how often am I gonna be in Switzerland?" Alex explained as he made stupid hand gestures. Cristina continued to glare at him angrily. Of course Meredith told him to come here. She was just glad she didn't show up too. "You don't look to happy to see me," he noticed._

_ "Its not that," she insisted. "It's just been a bad day so I'm more irritable than usual." That was a lie. It hadn't been a bad day. Today had been a horrible day. A day where all she wanted to do was cry, she actually did cry, to her dismay._

_ "Whatever," he stated simply standing up. "Where's the bathroom? Also, where should I sleep?"_

_ "The couch folds out. I can get it ready," she replied as she tried as hard as she could to force a smile. She didn't think it turned out to well as Alex gave her a strange and confused face in response._

_ "Thanks?" He asked confused as to what say as he walked somewhat groggily to where Cristina pointed out the bathroom. She let out a sigh of relief as he closed the door._

_ She quietly busied herself with finding sheets and blankets for the pull-up couch. She was relieved for the distraction. She wanted to keep her mind as busy as she could for as long as possible. Unfortunately, that didn't last for long due to the sound of Alex's screams from the bathroom._

_ "Cristina? Cristina!" He bellowed loudly. Cristina threw the sheets and pillows on the floor where she stood so she could walk briskly and quickly to find Alex. She opened the door to find Alex facing the wall in what appeared to be a blank state. He was as frozen as a statue. She had to look extremely close to even tell if he was breathing._

_ "Alex?" Cristina questioned confusedly. To her, he looked completely fine, except for the part where he wasn't moving an inch._

_ Alex slowly turned around. The expression on his face was unexplainable. He looked shocked and sad before he held up something and asked, "Is this yours?"_

_ Cristina held her breath and bit her lip before asking, "Where did you find that?" She knew exactly where he found it, she just didn't know what else to say._

_ "You know where I found it. This was taken today, you look about fifteen weeks. How long have you known?" He inquired stepping forward so they were both looking eye-to-eye._

_ "To be honest, I found out today. I was feeling nausea and my breasts were sore so I thought maybe… I think I knew a while ago but I was just in denial about it," she responded as she arched her back and stood up straight._

_ Alex looked at her sadly before beginning to speak again. "What are you gonna do? I mean, you can't get an abortion. There's adoption but it's harder to find parents for twins. You could always keep them too."_

_ "I don't know!" Cristina screamed in pure agony and desperation. "I don't know anything anymore. Everything is different now. Now I don't know who I am, who I was or who I will be. All I know is that I am scared out of my mind for the future. I don't think I can go through with an adoption; I'll be too attached by then. But then if I decide to keep them I am going to be all alone because he is moving on." Alex rubbed Cristina's wrists softly before wrapping his large and muscular body around her petite and toned body. "I don't want to be alone. I can't do this by myself," she cried out sadly._

_ They say life can change in an instant; it can turn on a dime. You don't actually believe it until it's happened though. It's almost like an earthquake. There's nothing mysterious or mystical about an earthquake. Pressure builds up, and then its released. You just hope that there's not too much damage done. _

_ The damage was done in this case. And there were permanent marks of it everywhere you looked. Never fading and never healing in the slightest. There is an end to everything eventually. It may be in five minutes, or it may be in five hundred years. You just hope that you'll make it out alive. But lets face it; we're all going to die eventually. Do we ever win the real battle? Or do we just continue to live to die another day?_

_ "You're not alone," he encouraged. "Do you hear me? You're not alone. I'll always be there whether you want me too or not; you're stuck with me for life. You're not alone."_

_ Cristina held on to Alex tighter, clinging on to him in the hopes that he was somehow right. Alex made her feel safe. And in those moments, Cristina felt as if she wasn't alone. And that was the greatest feeling in the world._

"We'd both be freaks wandering around in the world. Wandering and wondering like aimless strangers. It's hard to imagine now but it's true," Alex declared in a dazed tone. He was slowly drifting off to sleep as his eyelids were beginning to become heavy.

"Yeah," she agreed restlessly as she gently laid her head on Alex's shoulder.

"What if," he uttered dryly.

"What if."


	3. End of the World Party

**Hey guys! Sorry for taking so long to update! I've been really busy with starting school and all so I will try to make my updates more frequent. I do have to say, I am disappointed with the lack of feedback that I have gotten. It really does help motivate me whenever I get a lot of reviews. It helps let me know what I'm doing right. So again, please follow, favorite and or leave a ****review! Thanks and PS… Cliffhanger!:)**

2 weeks later…

"You're going the wrong way," Alex yawned tiredly as he carried both Meredith and Alexandra in his arms. The two of them had fallen to sleep on the flight to Boston. Cristina was nominated again for the Harper Avery. She actually had a chance at winning as opposed to four years ago. She deserved a Harper Avery award more than anyone. She looked up the other nominees and they weren't even close to her as far as progress and actual results in their trial.

"No I'm not," she replied as she stopped to turn around and face Alex. "Baggage terminal for international flights is this way. We don't have to go through the extra security because we still our American citizens."

"They aren't" Alex pointed out, as he looked at the two sleeping toddlers that were occupied in his large arms. She wished that her daughters had been born in America. She contemplated it actually, but she wouldn't have gone to Seattle. That would be far too risky. She changed her mind and realized it wasn't worth it. Plus, she was scared her water would have broken on the plane and then some random nurse or doctor who wasn't even associated with the vagina squad would have been her doctor. She still had nightmares about it to this day.

"Yeah, but they have duel citizenships, so we don't need to. Thank god she has two American parents or else I wouldn't have been able to bring them with me. Why do you think they don't have passports either?" Alex nodded as if he understood, which he probably didn't. She didn't either, to be honest. She had just read information about it online enough times to have the key points memorized.

It didn't take long for the four of them to collect their bags, get a rental car and settle in comfortably into their large and spacious suites in the heart of Boston. Cristina had put the twins down over twenty minutes ago and Alex was in the shower. She stood out on the small deck looking down at the bustling city in her red Stanford sweat pants and a loose black tank top.

Cristina missed being in the United States. She did love Zurich, she was happy and content and so were her daughters and it was her home, but there were certain things she could only find in the USA. Her thoughts were interrupted, however, by Alex emerging from the bathroom in only a towel wrapped around his waist as he dug through his suitcase for a change of clothes. As he dug through his suitcase, something caught Cristina's eye.

"Is that a new suit?" she inquired curiously at the sleek black bag folded up in his suitcase. She figured he would just take the suit he wore last year, as no one would know the difference. Cristina on the other hand, had to go out and buy a new dress. Alex helped her pick it out.

"What, you surprised?" he smiled grinning as he threw on a t-shirt and sweats. "You bought a new dress."

"That's different, you're a guy. No one cares and no one would be able to tell the difference. The only person who would is if you had one of those annoying protective girlfriends who picks out all her husbands clothes because she thinks so lowly of you and has no confidence in herself whatsoever."

Alex chuckled lightly as he stretched out on the king bed. Cristina stretched out next to him as well. The bed was small compared to the one they shared back home in Zurich. "What time is it?" Alex asked.

Cristina lifted her right arm to look at her watch. She had set it to east coast time prior to arriving. "Two twenty am," she responded dryly as her eyes began to close.

"You can go to sleep, you know," Alex yawned. "I am. They're gonna be asleep for a really long time, trust me."

"I know that," she replied as she breathed out heavily. A million thoughts were running through her head. She felt butterflies in her stomach as the thoughts just kept running and running like a waterfall. "It's just that I don't know if I am going to be able to sleep. I'm too nervous."

"Why would you be nervous?" Alex questioned. Cristina gave him a look and as Alex started to work out the details in his head, he made a small 'O' with his mouth. "Oh."

"Uh huh," she nodded slightly. "Do you think _he _will be there?" That's what scared her most of all. She wasn't scared in the slightest about making a fool of herself or not winning. How could one person make her feel as if her whole world was ending?

"Its fifty-fifty," Alex stated. "He wasn't here last year, so that might mean he'll never come. Or that means he will come this year especially because he didn't come last time. Would it really be that bad if he did come though?"

Cristina remained silent as she thought over Alex's last question, "Would it really be that bad if he did come?" She wanted to tell him so badly. A few times she did call him prepared to tell him but always chickened out in the end. If he did show up later tonight, she would be forced to tell him whether she liked it, or not.

Then another part of her wanted to keep her shiny happy bubble afloat. She loved the life she had. She was an award winning cardiothoracic surgeon who owned a hospital of which she was the director. She had her two daughters who were loved immensely by her mother and not to mention Alex and Derek. Her life was perfect. It couldn't get much better than that; you can never have everything, after all.

"No and yes. No because I do miss him and Meredith and Al do deserve a father. Yes because he will hate me and he might not want anything to do with him. It'd look better for him if I told them their father was a useless one night stand than that he didn't want anything to do with him because of me."

"You and I both know he wouldn't do that. Yeah, he will be pissed, but he'll forgive you. You had your reasons. And they're good reasons. You can't spend all your time worrying," he mumbled groggily.

After a few moments, she heard small snores escape from Alex's mouth. Cristina rolled onto her side and used Alex's arm as a pillow. She didn't want to think about it. "Not here, not now," she repeated quietly until she drifted off to sleep.

_16 hours later…_

Cristina reached into her black clutch to retrieve her phone among an assortment of random belongings. Some of which included lip-gloss, a compact mirror, deodorant, her speech and a condom. She had to be prepared for anything, she figured.

She was worried it was the hotels daycare. She had left her daughters there, as she had no other choice since she knew absolutely no one in Boston. Luckily, she had only received a text from Derek. It read:

_Meet me by the bar. Don't worry, I have her distracted for the moment._

Cristina stuffed her phone away and strode carefully over to the bar. Derek had called her this afternoon to inform her that Meredith was coming. She was glad that Meredith was here, she hadn't seen her in a while. The last time she saw her was when they went to France for two weeks a year and a half ago. Fortunately, her secret didn't escape then as Alex and her daughters were safely back in Switzerland. She wasn't sure about this time, though.

Cristina felt a million heads turn her way as she walked. Of course they would, she was Cristina Yang after all. She was a two-time Harper Avery Award winner, she was everyone's competition.

Cristina lifted her black satin floor length gown as she walked, she didn't need people stepping on it. She felt invincible and undeniably sexy. It was strapless and showed off a hint of cleavage, as the rest was surrounded by fake gold jewel encrusted diamonds. The dress hugged her in all the right places, especially her hips and butt. The dress parted near the bottom showing off her incredibly lean and toned legs and shiny black stilettos.

After a few minutes, Cristina finally managed to find Derek talking among some fellow neurosurgeons, she assumed. When she got close enough she forcefully dragged Derek from the group to an empty small corner. "What's the matter?" she asked breathlessly.

Derek was about to open his mouth when he was interrupted by his wife's laughter and cheery voice as she all but ran over to where they stood. "Cristina! Hi! You look amazing, as usual," she squealed as she was pulled into a tight hug.

When she was finally released, Cristina stared into the eyes of her best friend. She looked the same, except for the fact that she actually put on makeup and brushed her hair.

"How are you?" Cristina smiled brightly. Gosh, she really wished Alex was here right now. It would have provided some distraction. As soon as they had arrived, he had gone off to flirt with a pair of skinny blonde neonatal surgeons. She couldn't exactly blame him.

"Tonight's not about me, it's about you!" She cried happily as she made exaggerated hand gestures. "So you found Derek first or where you hiding from me?" She teased laughing.

"Meredith, you of all people should know that the first place Cristina would go to is the bar. You would too, you know," Derek pointed out. She was grateful that he was covering her path. Then again, he was also covering his.

"Yeah, you should know me by now," she smiled tightly before turning to face Derek. "So Derek, what were you going to say before?" She asked nervously. Derek said he would only call or text her or Alex unless it was an emergency.

As Derek was about to begin, yet again, he was interrupted. Not by his wife, however, by someone all too familiar. Cristina felt her heart stop as she slowly turned around to lock eyes with him.

"There you are!" He exclaimed joyously as he pushed himself through a crowd of people making his way over to them. He looked exactly the same except for the fact that he was wearing a sharp black suit instead of a trauma gown, mask and scrub cap. "I should've checked here earlier."

Cristina felt herself sweating bullets as she felt the magical feeling his presence on her. She used to joke with him that it was a blessing and a curse and to use his powers wisely. Right now, it was the latter

He extended his hand to Cristina and she gave hers only a moment after doing her best to avoid any eye contact. They shook hands like polite strangers before Cristina finally looked up into his ocean blue eyes and smiled slightly before saying, "Hello, Dr. Hunt. It's good to see you again."


	4. Everybody Wants to Rule the World

_1 year ago…_

_ "Hello? This is Dr. Cristina Yang, how can I help you?" She asked robotically as she used one hand to twirl the cord of her landline phone and the other to rub Meredith's forehead. Her daughter had woken up with a 101-degree fever; thus, she stayed with her mother while she worked in her office. Alexandra stayed with her as well since she was likely to get sick also._

_ "Cristina? It's me," a familiar voice responded. Cristina felt her heart stop in her chest as she heard his voice. She instinctively pulled her two daughters who were sleeping on top of her in close to her chest. _

_ "Owen?" She asked confused. She hadn't heard from him directly in almost two and a half years. The last time she did talk to him she was almost six months pregnant. He wanted to continue talking to her but Cristina told him it wasn't a good idea. She was still trying to figure out what she was going to do regarding her daughters and had a feeling that after a while she would have told him._

_ "Yeah," she heard Owen answer cheerfully. Even though she couldn't see Owen, she could picture him grinning from ear to ear. _

_ "Why are you calling?" She sighed. Cristina had to admit that her curiosity was peaked. She prayed that he wasn't about to announce that he would attend the Harper Avery Award Ceremony in Boston in May. That was in a month. _

_ "Can't I call my friend and check up on her? You know, the last time we spoke directly was over two years ago. I had to ask Meredith for your cellphone number since you conveniently changed it right after you told me to stop calling you. I didn't even know I was calling an inactive phone until Meredith told me a month ago. I figured you wouldn't answer a call from me on your cellphone so I looked up your work number. So, here we are, now." He explained in a somewhat sarcastic and overly happy tone. _

_ Cristina could detect one of two things in his voice. One; a hint of anger due to her not calling him and changing her phone number as to make sure he didn't call or two; a hint of anger that was about to explode into a life shattering amount of anger._

_ The second came into her head first. She wouldn't have been all that surprised if someone let him in on her big secret times two. She would've been furious at whoever did tell him, obviously, but she would also be somewhat relieved because then she wouldn't have to randomly call him up one day and tell him._

_ "You sound angry," she stated nervously as she bit her lip. She was unsure of what to say, as it was still unclear to her as to why exactly he was angry._

_ "I am," he assured her confidently. "You haven't talked to me in over two years. Of course I am going to be angry."_

_ "I know, I know," she murmured tiredly. She wasn't ready to have this fight today. Cristina knew it would come eventually, she just always assumed it would be when she told him about her daughters who also happened to be his daughters too. _

_ "I deserve an explanation," he argued back. He was so stubborn, just like her, just like their daughters. Cristina knew that she did owe him one hell of an explanation, but she wasn't ready to give him that yet. _

_ "What do you want Owen? You're in Seattle, and I am in Zurich. I can't give you what you want. We don't work." Cristina hated lying to him. It killed her. With every word she spat back to him she could feel a small part of her die inside. She was doing this for their daughters, she thought to herself. Her sweet, innocent daughters who weren't old enough to understand the magnitude of what their mother was doing for them. _

_ Cristina was pulled back to the present by Owen's loud and authoritative voice. "I thought you were my friend!" He yelled as he abruptly hung up. Cristina groaned before slamming her own phone down on her desk. She hated the mess she got herself into, but she did what she thought was best. Even Derek and Alex acknowledged and understood that._

_ She also knew that if Owen ever did find out five years from now he wouldn't understand. He would say she was selfish and cold and who knows what else. That was part of the reason she did agree to tell him by the time they were five. It would give her time to tell him when she wanted, somewhat, and to also prepare mentally for that day._

_ That was the last time she spoke to him. He never called her again. She never called him again. She didn't ask about him to Derek or Meredith, so she found herself genuinely shocked when he appeared suddenly as if the whole incident never happened._

Present Day…

"Dr. Hunt, seriously?" He smirked chuckling a little. Meredith smiled and giggled along with him. Derek had the same reaction as her, shock. She nervously looked down at her stilettos and started rubbing her hands together. Cristina was confused as to why Owen was acting so normal. She knew he didn't forget. She figured it was like the calm before the storm.

"Seriously," she stated coldly as she glared at Owen who either ignored her or didn't seem to notice. The night was a mess, and it had barely started. "Derek, can I talk to you over there?" She smiled darkly as she walked over to the opposite side of the bar.

"I'm sorry," Derek began quickly as soon as they were out of earshot. "What do you think I was trying to tell you before? I didn't even know he was here until I saw him on the same plane as Meredith and I," he explained.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" She practically shouted as she gestured over to where Owen stood along with Meredith and Alex, who had just showed up. He was currently entertaining Meredith while Alex had a disgusted and confused look on his face.

"I honestly have no clue," Derek answered with a flabbergasted look and tone. He anxiously ruffled his hair before he began again. "A week ago he ignored every mention of you or walked away when he could. And now… I don't know what happened."

_"Please make your way into the ballroom,"_ someone announced over the intercom. Cristina felt anxiety creeping in, why did she have to get last minute jitters at the very last minute? Why couldn't she have gotten it five minutes earlier? Was that so much to ask?

Derek must have seen how nervous she was as he was now in the process of guiding her to the ballroom. "You're going to be fine. You're going to win that Harper Avery and you will kick ass even if you don't, that's very unlikely though."

"That is not what I am nervous about!" She growled at him angrily. She was a little nervous about not winning; it was more anxiety as to waiting to be announced than anything. The thing that scared her most of all was being trapped at a table with Owen for who knows how long while she had to act as if there was nothing in the world that was bothering her.

Before she knew it, Derek and her were arriving at the table. She was fortunate that Alex and Meredith were sitting next to her. She avoided eye contact with Owen as she sat down but did catch a glimpse of him rolling his eyes in annoyance. Somehow, that eased Cristina's nerves. Cristina smirked a little as well as she looked over at him again.

"What's with the smirk?" Meredith questioned as she retouched her coral sparkly lip-gloss with a compact mirror. She stuffed the mirror and lip-gloss into her gold clutch before looking up at Cristina again. She raised her blonde brown eyebrows curiously and gave her that look that meant, "I'm going to find out one way or another." Cristina knew that was true, but that wasn't going to happen tonight, if she could help it.

"Nothing," she insisted in a tone that came out sharper than she intended. Fortunately, Meredith didn't mind. Meredith and her, for that matter were the type of people you could yell at and call a bitch and the next day have no recollection of the incident whatsoever and find each other becoming even closer. She couldn't imagine having normal friends who weren't dark and twisty like her. Then again, she wouldn't be friends with them.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seat," Catherine Avery announced as she stood at the podium with a cold and emotionless smile on her face. Cristina felt her stomach turn into knots as she heard her voice. This was the woman who determined her fate as a doctor. It was impossible not to have a great respect for her but an even bigger fear as well.

"As most of you know," she began as everyone settled into their seats and focused their attention on her. "The Harper Avery Award is presented to doctors of the next generations. The doctor's who put in everything they got to change the face of medicine as we know it. _Forever_. It is my great honor to announce this year's Harper Avery Award winner."

Cristina felt her heart beat out of her chest as she watched Catherine Avery's skilled and nimble fingers open the small envelope containing the name of the lucky winner. She took a deep breath and held on to it as the anxiety flowed like ice water in her veins.

Cristina always thought of her mother as this silly old woman who was stuck in her ways and to be honest, a little sexist. She never really paid much attention to what she had said, except for the last time she saw her, which was for all the wrong reasons. But one thing she did say stuck with her in those moments. "I get nervous because I care," her mother told her in response to her six year old self asking why she worried so much whenever she met with a client. "And the minute you stop getting nervous is the minute you need to try something else."

"The Harper Avery goes too… Dr. Cristina Yang, Klausman Institute," Catherine Avery smiled genuinely as she held up the award. The light shining at Catherine Avery and the award gleam and glow brilliantly. Maybe Cristina was going crazy, she didn't care. All she knew was that she won.

Cristina smiled politely as she tried to remain her composure in front of the crowd who were erupting into applause as well as the compliments paid to her as she strode gracefully up the podium. As Cristina walked as gracefully as she could manage over to where the podium was Catherine decided to meet her halfway.

"Congratulations," she grinned as she presented the award to her. The award itself looked like nothing special. But what was carved did. It read "Dr. Cristina Yang, Klausman Institute, Harper Avery Award Winner 2017.' "

"Thank you," Cristina smiled as she shook the older woman's hands and took her place at the podium. "First off, I would like to say thank you," Cristina began as she scanned the crowd. Her eyes landed unintentionally, of course, on Owen. He looked so happy… She then realized that she had a speech to give and continued on not losing eye contact with his deep and soulful eyes. "Thank you to the Harper Avery committee who as you all know, were kind enough to nominate me, and award me this great honor. Secondly, I would like to say thank you to one of my best friends and fellow colleague, Dr. Alex Karev. Without your help I would not be standing here."

"Secondly, I would like to point out what you all are most likely thinking. How do I do it? How do I manage to seemingly have it all? There are and have been sacrifices made and there always will be, to achieve at this level. I've known people who have won this prestigious award before, and people who have deserved them. The thing they all have in common is the work. They are focused on the work and on the patient. They focus their time and energy on making someone better or someone whole or someone live. Their goal is not on winning the most prestigious awards. If you think like that, you'll never win."

"I would also like to give some advice to doctors. Something you learn through the years not through a teacher but through experiencing what that fragile line between life and death really means. All it takes is one patient, one moment, to change your life forever. It can change your perspective and color your thinking… One moment that forces you to reevaluate everything you think you know. Do you know who you are? Do you know what has happened to you? _Do you want to live this way?_ Thank you," she sighed breathlessly as she smiled at the man that forced her to reevaluate everything she ever thought she knew as the sound of cheers erupted from the ballroom and blocked out the real world for a few peaceful moments. And then the moment ended.


	5. Dance Hall Days

**I know I haven't updated in forever and I am sorry. Im kind've a perfectionist when it comes to writing and I like to have the whole story figured out in my head because I want certain things to come back up later in the story. So again sorry and I really hope you enjoy! Please leave a ****review because they defiantly inspire me to keep writing!**

"Thank you," Cristina smiled gratefully to the last person in the large group of admirers who were surrounding her to congratulate her on her second Harper Avery win. She forgot how hard it was to fake smile and pretend to be grateful. She desperately wanted to find Derek, Alex and even Meredith. Of course that meant one very large and unavoidable obstacle called her ex-husband.

She glanced over to where they stood as they sipped on her expensive champagne. She tried to focus on that but her quiet thoughts were interrupted as Alex was amusing Meredith and Derek. Owen, on the other hand, looked like he wasn't paying too much attention, as he was too busy staring at his hands that were holding on tightly to a corner of the bar they stood by.

Cristina tried not to stare too obviously at the man that held her heart for the past seven years or so. It still felt like some sort of crazed dream that Owen was standing casually twenty feet away from her while her two daughters (which he was completely unaware of) were sound asleep at the hotel daycare that was across the street.

She often found herself wondering how she would tell Owen, whether it be by accident or purpose, she came up with scenarios that were either too dramatic or where Owen had absolutely no negative reaction whatsoever. The only way she would ever find out which of her hundred scenarios were true was just to tell him.

Cristina sighed to herself as she swallowed down the rest of her champagne as gracefully as she could manage and set down the fragile glass on a random table. Tomorrow she told herself as she strode over to the small group of people she was closest too, but also the group of people she kept the most secrets from.

_Four years ago…_

_ "That's it," she grumbled angrily as she removed her sexy black cocktail dress and kicked off her red pointed heels and let them sit in the mess that she had created repeating the same similar process of her trying on a dress and then it unenviably not fitting right. The world was really out to get her, she figured. "Not one of them fits," she pouted as she turned around to face her company._

_ "You tried on every dress?" Alex asked as he took a large bite out of a crisp red apple and wiped the juice off his face with his arm. That probably wasn't the best idea as he was already wearing his nice five hundred dollar suit. "Crap," he complained as he took off his own suit and threw it in the pile with all of Cristina's dresses and shoes. _

_ "What are the odds…" she mumbled to herself as she gently placed her hand on her small stomach as she tried her best to suck it in as far as it could go. Unfortunately, _

_That didn't help as you could still clearly see the small but prominent outline of her baby bump. _

_ Cristina had only found out yesterday that she was pregnant, times two. And that was an accident. She showed no symptoms of pregnancy except for a nausea feeling that she originally thought was because of a virus that was spreading around the hospital. She found out during a normal doctors appointment when the doctor suggested they take a blood sample. Two hours later, she got a phone call from her doctor to come to her office to discuss the results. One thing led to another until finally she was laying down, shirt up with a cold gel on her stomach and her doctor pointing to two small fetuses inside her body. Imagine the humiliation she felt._

_ "What's the big deal?" Alex questioned as stood facing the mirror and checking himself from every angle to make sure he looked sharp. "I mean, you're not gonna be able to hide it for long. Just put on a dress and get it over with."_

_ Cristina inhaled slowly and then exhaled. She knew Alex was right and she knew he meant to tell the people in Zurich, not in Seattle. She had made him swear not to tell another living soul unless something serious happened to her. And she had already made arrangements for when that would happen years ago._

_ "I'm just… worried," she began. "I have no idea what the hell I am doing and no idea what I'm going to do. You know, in college, I was called a know it all. It didn't bug me because everyone knew it was true, including me. I never wanted to be unprepared or caught off guard. And now… Its scary knowing that I don't have a plan."_

_ Alex smiled a little, as if he understood everything she was saying. He stepped forward and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Listen to me," he said gently. "You'll make a plan. Sure, it might be a little later than you would've liked, but you'll make one. And about being scared, its good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose."_

"To Cristina Yang," Meredith smiled brightly as she enthusiastically toasted and raised her glass of champagne and her friends did the same, "the greatest cardiothoracic surgeon the world will ever know."

"To Cristina!" They smiled as they all drank. Cristina smiled nervously as she felt Owen's deep blue eyes watching her. She tried avoiding his gaze but it didn't really work out. He had a power over her. Just perfect, she thought.

Slowly, everyone left. Meredith and Derek left to go dance and Alex left when the two skinny blonde neonatal surgeons reappeared. Thus, it was just her and Owen each awkwardly staring at each other. Seconds turned to minutes as the situation tensed. She prayed that someone would come and save her but no one did. Finally, Owen broke the silence.

"So…" Owen smiled nervously. Cristina couldn't help but notice the way he looked down at his feet when he began to talk. It was kind've cute, but she ignored the thought to act on it. "Do you want to dance," he pointed to the large area where couples were dancing gracefully in circles looking lovingly into each other's eyes. Not a good idea if you're trying to avoid that.

"Oh, Owen, I don't know…" she stuttered trying to think of a clever excuse as to why she would have to decline.

Owen leaned in close to her; they were less than two inches apart. Cristina's

heart fluttered anxiously at that very fact. She then felt her heart stop as Owen whispered three little words in the most seductive tone ever. "You owe me."

She knew she shouldn't have been surprised, she knew it would come up eventually, but she couldn't help it. She knew he was right, so she was forced to agree. She regretted that decision almost immediately as she saw the faces of her friends reactions. Meredith smirked and winked as she saw Owen wrap his hand around Cristina's waist. Derek had a very confused expression on his face when he caught a quick glance of her and Owen. And Alex, he just gave his best "What the hell" face.

"You owe me an explanation," Owen sighed gently as he looked deep into her eyes and they twirled gracefully on the dance floor. It felt as if they were the only two people in the room. When in reality, all eyes were on them. Not that they noticed or cared, of course.

"For what?" Cristina figured playing the dumb card would be the best option in her case. After all, it would delay the inevitable for a while.

"Don't do that," he said in a serious yet gentle tone as he adjusted his hands around her waist. "You know exactly what."

"You don't seem mad," she pointed out.

"I'm not," he sighed somewhat tiredly. "I was. For the longest time, the only thing I felt was pure anger. You ruined me, you know that, right? You saved me when I first came to Seattle and then you ruined me when you left. I know you had your reasons, you wouldn't be here if you didn't leave. But it still hurt. Eventually, I accepted the fact that you were gone and I couldn't hold on to the past no matter how much I wanted to."

Cristina choked as she listened to Owen. They were the most honest words he could ever say. Those words were like a dagger to her heart, though. She could've saved him all this suffering if she just told him. She had her reasons, but were they good enough? "What changed?"

Owen chuckled and looked away. His cheeks were flushed a beautiful light pink. He seemed embarrassed as looked at his shoes.

"What's so funny?" She smirked amusingly. She didn't know what was so funny.

"I talked to someone." Cristina figured she must have had a very worried expression because Owen quickly corrected and explained himself. "No, it's not what you think. I'm not in therapy or anything and I'm not dating anyone. I tried that; lets just say it didn't work out too well. Besides the person I talked too is, like, seventy and I've only met her once. You know her."

"Who?" She asked curiously. She had to admit her curiosity was peaked.

"Your Mother." Cristina stopped where she stood and forced Owen's hands off her. She was expecting a surprising and unexpected response but nothing could've prepared her for his response.

"What the hell did that bitch say about me?" She snarled angrily.

"Whoa, Cristina, don't you think you're overreacting? I've only met her once. She was visiting a friend who came to Seattle. Her friend sprained her ankle; I was the one who admitted her. Helen mentioned that she's been here multiple times and that her daughter used to work here. When I asked who her daughter was, and when she said your name, I thought I was dreaming. When she found out I was your ex-husband, she told me that she had an interesting story about the last time you saw her. She refused to tell me, she told me to ask you myself and that it would explain a lot. That was a month ago. So, here I am. Cristina? Please say something."

Cristina was furious. She felt her blood boil against her skin with each word Owen said regarding her mother. Cristina wanted to punch someone, preferably her mother, but since she refused to talk to her, let alone see her, she had to come up with an alternate plan.

"Cristina? Cristina, please say something. Don't blame your mother, it's not her fault,"

Cristina laughed sarcastically, "It's not her fault? Really? Then whose fault is it? Because if it isn't hers then its yours because it sure as hell isn't mine. I can't believe your defending her. You know what? Stay away from me," she sneered darkly as she stormed off leaving everyone behind.

**Uh oh… Sorry for the cliffhanger, they're just so much fun (for me :)!**


	6. Medicine

Cristina practically sprinted across the busy Boston street back to her hotel she was staying at not caring at all that she looked like a complete maniac or that she broke the heel of one of her stilettos in the process. She was beyond furious. She felt as if her whole world was about to crash down and she had no warning to make a storm shelter to protect herself. "How dare that bitch," she cursed again angrily and silently under her breath for probably the millionth time as she stomped noisily into the hotel lobby.

Her heart was beating a mile a minute, maybe even faster than that. Cristina felt her hands shake as she pressed the wrong button in the elevator at least twice. She was just fortunate that none of those buttons happened to be the alarm or help button. Cristina didn't even allow herself to breathe until she was safely in her hotel room with the lights turned off, the door locked, and only herself as company.

As soon as she was absolutely sure that she was alone, nothing stopped her. Cristina ripped off her stilettos and threw them against the wall forcefully. She then proceeded to take off her dress the fastest way possible as she reached for a pair of scissors Alex had bought earlier and had also conveniently left on the small kitchen counter. She started cutting across the left side of her dress messily, not even bothered that she was ruining her dress or that there was a zipper in the back. She needed to breathe and she couldn't breathe in that dress.

When she finished and finally looked at the wreckage she made, she felt ashamed. She was overreacting, she decided as she buried the dress deep in the bottom of her expensive suitcase and changed into her favorite red Stanford sweat pants and a white T-shirt. She then walked solemnly to the bathroom where she proceeded to brush her curly hair rather ruggedly and took off the makeup that was frosted onto her face with a towel. Cristina looked at herself and sighed. She found it somewhat ironic as she stared at herself in the mirror that the last time she felt like this, the last time she felt like she wasn't herself, was because of two men. And they both ultimately led to her being cut out of a dress with a pair of scissors. "Men," she murmured as she shut off the bathroom light and walked to the king sized bed in the center of the room. She laid down on her back and sprawled her body out waiting for an excuse to get up.

Cristina snuggled as deep into the bed as the crappy hotel mattress would allow. This whole night was not how she planned it out to be in her head. She didn't understand how things could turn from so very good to very very bad in a matter of seconds. This was supposed to be one of the best days of her life. And now… The universe had thrown a curve ball with no warning so she could move out of the way.

She had avoided every mention of her mother since those two and half days filled with torture a little less than three and half years ago. Her mother never called or tried to get in contact with Cristina and neither did she. Cristina wasn't exactly religious but she admits to the fact that she had prayed that her mother was dead on more than one occasion.

Cristina and her mother always had a complicated relationship ever since that one torturous day her father died. Cristina and her mother never saw eye to eye, even before that life changing day. She had always preferred spending time with her father. When she was a few years older than her daughters she always looked forward to Wednesday's and every other weekend when her father would take her far away. Cristina wished her daughters had a chance to meet her father but apparently, it was not meant to be.

Her wish came more quickly than she expected as Alex and Derek sneakily joined her inside the dark and gloomy hotel room. She sat up unsure of what to say or how they would react so she waited for them to make their move first. She didn't care if it was cowardly to hide and wait, she was too tired to care. She had already fought enough in one day.

Derek and Alex stealthily approached the bed. They both had scowls on their face and their arms were crossed in either disappointment or annoyance, she wasn't sure which nor did she care to ask.

"You left quite the mess, you know," Derek said calmly with a little bit of that McDreamy sparkle in his eyes. "I had to make up a lie saying that you were sick. You don't even want to know what I had to do to Meredith to even get over here. Also Owen is acting like a caveman. He locked himself up in his hotel room after you screamed at him, just so you're aware."

"By the way," Alex added. "You forgot this," he said as he picked up the Harper Avery. She didn't even notice they had it when they first came in.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Okay, I get it. Can we talk about this tomorrow, please? My head is killing me…" she responded tiredly as she wiped some sweat that was dripping from her forehead down to her neck. She hoped she wasn't getting sick, that would make things so much better.

Derek literally sprang into action as soon as she opened her mouth as he practically jumped on to the bed. He began feeling her forehead with his hands and even used the flashlight on his iPhone to check her pupils.

"How does your head feel? Can you see me? How many fingers am I holding up? Do you feel differently? Have your arms and or legs gone numb recently?" Question after question rushed out of Derek's mouth at an amazing speed that she could not possibly answer every question or tell him to shut up.

Right as Cristina was about to answer Alex, thankfully, intervened. "Stop Derek. She's fine. Right?" He asked nervously as he looked at Cristina with a sad sympathetic smile. Cristina forced a small grin. She understood why he and Derek were scared. She was too. She felt like that every day of her life for the past four years.

"I'm fine," Cristina insisted. "I'm just dizzy. I drank too much tequila and champagne, that's all. That is a normal symptom. And Derek, to answer your questions I can clearly see you, you were holding up four fingers, I don't feel different and no, my arms and legs have not gone numb. Any more?" The second to last question was a lie; she had felt differently only ten minutes ago. But that was only because she felt like she was being suffocated with everything that happened tonight.

"Just one," Derek countered standing up and moving closer to his only ally at the moment. Cristina glared at him with the best stink eye she could possibly manage; she thought they were past that. "Its not about that. What exactly did Owen say to you that got you so angry?"

Cristina inhaled and exhaled slowly. "My Mother. Apparently she was at the hospital and she talked to Owen. She may have mentioned that I had an interesting story from the last time she saw me in Zürich. Just perfect, huh. Gosh, I was really hoping she died..," she told Alex and Derek, smirking a little at the last part. "Oh. My. God," she gasped loudly as she looked at her friend's expressions.

Derek and Alex were staring at each other with a look of understanding before they both glanced down at their feet awkwardly. Alex adjusted his tie nervously. Derek lightly danced on his feet, as if that was going to help.

"You knew! Both of you! You both knew the whole time and you didn't tell me! Why the hell didn't either of you tell me?" She screamed angrily using erratic hand gestures as well.

Cristina felt betrayed. These were her two of her closest friends. She didn't understand why they kept this from her. Then again, she wasn't really one to talk. Were they afraid how she would react? That seemed like the most likely scenario.

"Listen, Cristina," Derek tried to calmly explain, his voice was low. It was only a whisper. It somehow had a soothing effect on her and made some of her rage that had come so suddenly disappear into thin air. She hated that Derek could be so dreamy sometimes. In that moment she began to understand why Meredith always seemed to agree with whatever Derek suggested, no matter how ridiculous the idea was. She was thankful that she didn't have to deal with that. She had enough problems already.

"The reason we didn't tell you was because there was no reason to. It would have just made you upset. And if she had mentioned something about what happened in Zürich, believe me, I would have flown out there and killed her with my bare hands," Alex smiled playfully. "With your assistance, of course."

Cristina eyed the two men in tuxedos standing right in front of her, biting her lip in frustration. She knew they were right; she just hated being wrong and she especially hated admitting it. "I would kill you if I could," she said grinning at her friend closest to her. "But I can't really kill someone who saved my life, now can I?"


End file.
